Day 12

Day 12 March 16

Well, MY plans went out the window today.

Zoe injured herself in the back yard.  She came in shaking.  So, I went ahead and took her to the vet.  At this point, I need peace of mind no matter the price.  the vet examined her and did xrays. The final diagnosis, is she just overextended herself.  The xray showed how severe her arthritis is in her knees.  There is some in her hip.   He did compliment me on how great of shape she is in.  He said that is so important with a dog with her history.  So, we started her on medication for pain and inflammation.  He suggested a down week for Zoe.

So, after we came home I felt the need to get back to my plan for the day.  I do this for my dogs AND for me.  I need to physically get this stress out of my body.   I grabbed Maddie and took her on a hour hike.  I fought to relax with her on this hike.  I accepted the fact she was going to stop and smell. I allowed it.  Why fight it as she is going to do it and she needs to do it. Hurrying thru a hike isn't relaxing.  You aren't going to win against nature Ann.  So, I stayed in the moment and let Maddie be in charge (to a point). :-)

After I dropped her off, I grabbed Jake.  I wanted to get him up to the mountains.  And I too wanted to go up with him.  I wanted to have him in the snow and pine again.  We drove up to the end of the canyon road. We got out and took a short walk.  He smiled and pulled me the whole time :-).  I kept it short and left.  I turned around and we went back up.  Out of the E we went.  We just sat on a bench.   I used my senses and immersed myself in the moment.  The smell of the pine, the sound of the moving stream, the sight of the towering trees filled with snow and the softness on Jake's coat.  I watched Jake use his nose to take in the smell.  We said a few prayers and I sat in meditation for a few moments. Nature keeps me right sized, keeps me humble.  It reminds me there is a God who is all loving and in charge.  

Our afternoon is a moment I will treasure.

Day 11

Day 11 March 15
Exercised Zoe and Maddie this morning.  They are both acting like they are on a sugar high.

 I zoom thru their walk.  I didn't enjoy it at all.  Maddie just wanted to sniff and sit in the sun.  I kept hurrying her.  I even yelled at her a few times; more than a few. She cries and cries to be a part of.    Even at home, she wiggles her way in to my space begging for attention. I push her away. She comes back for more. I don't mean to, but Jake has never wanted her in his space. The last thing I want is for him to be uncomfortable.    I whispered to Maddie that I am  sorry.  I told her what is going on.  I am sure she doesn't get it, but it makes me feel better.   I told Zoe too today.  She has only known 8 months of her 10 years without Jake. Their bond was instant. From the moment they met they were two peas in a pod.  There was never ever a growl between them. I worry about her.  He is her constant.

I drop Zoe off and get Jake.  He is so excited.  Everyone has gone out that morning, except him.  We just run errands.  We stop at a park after getting his cheeseburger.  He trots a bit in the field.  He then stops and starts to pant.

Home for dinner.  I took a shower after a long day.  I came out to find this.  She is taking care of her Bubba.  Zoe never is far away from him.  She even sleeps in my room now.  She barks to be with him.  They almost make a heart..

I needed to support a friend tonight.  So, i went out for a few hours. He tags along.  He sleeps in the E.  I came out and he was extra tired.

He scared me tonight.  He was laying in the hallway. I called him and he didn't respond.  I quickly got down on the floor and touched him.  He didn't awake.  I put my hands under his jaw and got close enough and he awoke.  He wouldn't get up.  So, I got a cookie.  Out of the hall he came. *whew*  However, the whole situation hit home again, just a little deeper.  

I sat on his bed with him tonight. I always tell him what I need to say to him prior before bed. I added in that tomorrow we would go to the Mountains so he could smell them again.  We'd go to the p-a-r-k.  I told him I wouldn't leave his side tomorrow.  I won't.  I want to sit at the park and read a book with him.  

I watch him as he sleeps. H dreams a lot , at least I think he is dreaming,  Some people call it chasing bunnies.   I'd like to thin he is dreaming of flyball, or the zoomies he and Zoe get on the trails, running in the  fresh snow,  swimming or just playing catch with me.

I thank God for another day.  I ask Him, if it be His will, we have another.

'Night 'night Bubba XX00

Day 10

Day 10 March 14

Just another day at work...

Day 9

Day 9  March 13

"Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet." 

― Colette

Jake sharing PB with me.

He looks so sad and sick here......

I watch him sleep. He chases rabbits or maybe he is playing flyball

He sleeps most of the day...  I know he needs his strength.. Love my puppy

Day 8

Day 8 March 12

He looks a little bloated this morning.  I can't seem to decide if something is really wrong or I am being paranoid.  I don't trust myself.  I am sick to my stomach. I am praying for a change in perception.His appetite was good.  He did follow me around a bit this morning.  Most of the time he went into the front room.  He did snuggle with Zoe on their kitchen bed for a bit

He sat in his normal position for car rides.   Now he is sleeping in my office.  I have to remember good and bad days.  I have to remember he is going to end up having more bad days than good.  If one burst, he can survive. He survived the last rupture.  Prayers said and paws crossed.

Read a quote a few moments ago “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh  Very fitting I think...  Get into the blessings Annie.

***The rest of the day was up and down.  I am beginning to believe that is how this is going to be.  I need to remember his disease is flowing thru his blood. It is rapidly spreading.   I did some more research on line.  I felt blessed after reading all the other stories, as an abundance were of dogs that did not survive a rupture!  Thank you Great DOG that Jakers survived last week...

On the way home, we stopped at a friends. I let Jakers out at a neighborhood park to do his business.

We drove around last night after dinner. Jake, Zoe and I traveled to our old neighborhood in Draper. I let the dogs out in the park we would visit almost day.  They were awaiting me to whip out the Frisbee.  Sorry black dogs.  Jake trotted a bit to the middle of the park.  I let him stand there for a bit and then called him back to the E.

Bed time.  This is Jake's bed.  However, Zoe hijacked it last night.  She left Jake a "square" 

I awoke with him sleeping with me in his normal way.  I hit snooze three times.

Day 7

Day 7 March 11

GOOD NEWS MORNING!  Jake's PCV was up to 48%.  It was 28/30% just a week ago.  According to the vet, that means there is no internal bleeding, and his body basically gave itself a transfusion.  Vet again said to take it easy.  He reiterated no strenuous walks or exercises. We were both VERY happy.He was wiggles, smiles and tail wags galore.

I found out one of our consultants has been in and out of touch due to her Golden Retriever being diagnosed with cancer last week. His spleen was removed.  He had some heart issues, and spent 5 days in ICU.  He also had two blood transfusions.  When I got her email I almost fell off my chair.  I responded, sending thoughts and prayers, and then told her our story. She promptly called me.  *chills* Her dog has the same thing as Jake, which was confirmed via a vet.  It hasn't spread to liver.  He was giving 6-9 months.  I wonder if I would have preferred to now earlier, instead of later....  With Mom it was *boom*.  With Jake, we know he is dying.  Which is the lesser of the two evils?

I had a meeting last night.  It usually runs one hour.  However, it ended up being longer than I anticipated.  I then picked up some friends.  I had a great conversation with a friend who has walked my road. She has had many animals - cats and dogs - in her life.  She has had to make the quality vs quantity decision a few times.

A very kind thoughtful lady posted a few things on my FB post about the PCV. I am not sure she understands how serious Jake's condition is.  I know she is trying to help and give hope.  Part of me wanted to tell her to look up disease and then tell me miracles happen.  however, restraint of pen and tongue. She is coming from a place of pure love and light.  I am going to embrace it.

I bought the dogs some lamb necks, as they are Jake's favorite.  They had it for dinner.   In the middle, Jake walked away... *my heart dropped*  I didn't even consider the tearing of the meat or using his paws might be too much for him.  I pray I didn't cause a burst. He was distant last night.  He did not sleep with me. I tossed and turned last night and pulled his bed closer.  

Day 6

Day 6 March 10

Jake and Zoe came to work with me today.
Not a lot went on. Jake seemed extra skinny.  I know he is going to start losing more and more muscle mass.  Appetite good!