I have decided , after reviewing patters, that Jake is happiest when going for "rides". Maybe that is just what we do from now on :-)
**non Jake ramble**
I am irritable, restless and very discontent. I am eating out of emotion, which makes me feel physically and mentally like garbage. I am emotionally exhausted and mentally exhausted. I am also about fed up with people. I believe I am surround by people who are so into self - that it is making me so ill to my stomach. I so want to take their inventory and tell them to get out of their luxury problems. And out of their self pity too - Get off the cross. We need the wood! I have learned whenever I am pointing my fingers at someone else, there are 3 pointing back at me. I am ignoring me by focusing on others defects.
I am reading a book called "My Life with the Saints" by James Martin SSJ. I am thoroughly enjoying it.
I had a phone call with someone I look up to for guidance. She made a decision that really flabbergasted me. She didn't tell me about it either. I know about secrets, I went into judgement about it. It is a decision she made that I know if it was me, her guidance would have been different. It is self will decision. I've watched her take the steps to do this week after week. I've watched her obsession... So, back to my book. In reading it, the chapter on St peter, I thought of her. I thought of how she is human. How we ALL have flaws. God loves us for our flaws too. I should love others for their flaws. We will make mistakes (HELLO LOOK AT YOURSELF ANN). That what she does and doesn't do is NOMB. It is her path. What choices she is making doens't really affect or effect (hell I can never remember) me. Also, our life is all about our individual relationship with God. Each decision we make brings us closer to God; positive and negative decisions. Got it. In addition, I get to decide if I want to continue to use her for guidance in that area of my life. It is an question that has been resurfacing time and time again. Maybe it keeps coming up for a reason. I need to accept and love her for who she is. I don't need to keep her in my life. Our paths, our history, our basic core values and believes are really different. I struggle to keep her in as maybe she has lessons for me - maybe I am learning about loving the differences in people. IDK - *confused* however, I do believe I don't have to totally shut the door on the relationship. I can just choose to go somewhere else for guidance on specific issues.
In addition, I had a horrible dream that I drove off a cliff . I could feel the falling in the dream. I woke up with my heart racing. I know why. I am spinning out of control. Parts of my life are spinning out of control - out of my control... I feel like I am going off the deep end.. Maybe I am. the good part is that I am aware and that I stopped - I stopped in the dream too. Not sure how you stop the E from off the cliff but I did...
**rant over** Going to finish a report and take my puppy for a cheeseburger
