Sunday
Zoe loves her big brother. I haven't thought much about her spirit when Jake's body leaves us.
I woke up feeling a little to much sadness and shame.. Shame that I love this dog so much; shame I feel so much sadness. Shame that I go everywhere with my dog and decline events because I want to spend my time with him. Shame I am a single 44 year old women who has dogs (WTH!) I have these thoughts like something is wrong with me because I do those things. Shame because he is my priority . I know where it comes from. I am trying to distance myself from the people that portray that attitude. Their intention isn't to make me feel that way, but I take it on that way.Because I don't have the same obsession as they do, I take it on as something is wrong with me. OR when the say "maybe I'll just get dogs". Hmmm I take that as a dig or a surrender. It is not I guess I am really judging myself. Hmmmm I need to find my own power that - stop comparing myself to everyone else.
I ran to a place where like minded people are at. I shared a little. I spoke with a few safe friend who have walked this path - interesting enough, sober men, who shared their experience about their relationship with their dog and the loss they felt.
I need to remember it is ok to feel sad about Jake. It is ok for me to have so much love for my dog. It shows my great capacity for love. Just because my life doesn't look like what someone else wants their life to look like doesn't mean there is something wrong with me. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them either. It is the path God has me on.
In the afternoon, the snow began. We went to a park to let Jake walk in the snow.
After our short walk in the snow, we drove around. It seems Jake is less stressed in the car. My house can get very busy at times. And it is ok - we just drive :-) I'd drive all day and night for him if it eased his anxiety.
Once home, and after dinner, we chilled in the front room. It was a Sunday evening we enjoyed.
No comments:
Post a Comment