It doesn't seem like Jake is having a good day :-( He lost his footing this morning, I believe. Who knows, I could be paranoid since I am watching him like a hawk. His appetite was fine and now he is lying on his bed dreaming... Dreaming of his good life I hope.
I am emotional today. It is a beautiful Saturday morning. The kind of morning where we would jump in the E and head for a hike in the mountains. We would all be so happy. He has the goofiest mountain smile. He runs up and down the trail, smiling the whole time. I yearn to take him again.I reminisce on all the hikes we had this year. I should focus on that, not what we can't do.
I don't want to leave him alone. I am afraid I'll regret any moment I don't spend with him, I'll beat myself up "Why did you go to the store, why did you go to the meeting, why did you exercise Maddie..Why did you get your nails done. etc. That could have been time you spent with Jake. What if he goes and you aren't there? You need to be there to sing him his song, to tell him GOGOGOOGOGOOGO"
FOCUS ANN FOCUS
I do need to run some errands, to show up to keep some balance.
*tears* I can't believe he is is going to die soon. I thought he'd live longer... I strived to do right by Jake - food, supplements, exercise, It just wasn't enough. (he hears me crying and awake. So in tune, my heart dog is).
OK - i will run some errands. I need to take care of me so I can take care of Jake. I will bring him along. We will pick up dog meat. We will pick up his birthday pizza. We will go to a park and sit together so he can lie down in the grass and smell fresh air. We will make today a good day. I will get out of this funk. It isn't good for Jake, knowing he is so in tune with me.
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