Two months today

Missing you Jakers... xo

Pawprints Left by Jake

Missing him.

I miss my Jake

I miss him deep within my soul.  He was a constant.  I relied on him more than I know.

I saw the below at Starbucks.  I feel it was him reminding me he is with me, watching me.
I try to hold onto that.  However, it doesn't replace my had stroking his soft puppy ears or feeling his head resting on my feet as i work or him coming into my room and resting by me or on his bed. The security of having him is gone.  weird, he brought me some type of security.

I'll write about his last day soon....  I'll write about the days after soon too...  Just processing.  It is getting harder instead of easier.

April 26

RIP JAKE

GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!

3/23/03 - 4/26/14

Photo taken in the morning on the day he was sent to the bridge.

Day 52 Friday April 25

This morning, as I got ready for work, Jake came into the bathroom. He usually lays down on the rug.  Instead he looked at me and leaned into me as he stood. It was a soul to soul look. My heart sank.  He was telling me something...but i didn't listen. I did and then quickly went into denial.  Looking back he was asking me for help...

It wasn't a good day for Bubba. He was swaying and having a hard time walking. He is having some serious GI issues.  He was having accidents at work.  He threw up and then had more accidents, involving blood, in the house.  We visited the Vet ER.  His PCV is down to 18% .  The ER vet suggested fluids and gave me some meds for his GI issues.  We did our usual loop of the hwy on the way home.  We went home and both slept thru the night.

I woke up Saturday morning and I knew..........

Day 48-51 April 21-24

April 21 - Food finickiness continues.  I think it is because of herbs.  I will stop putting them on his food.
April 22 - Only ate half his dinner.

April 23 PVC 23
I had a chat with out vet.  He asked me what I was thinking. I told him I try not to think.. LOL
I am on the correct logical track in his opinion.  No transfusion will help.  He stated it is a waste of money .  And Jake wouldn't want his last day to be in a vet office.

Now we are on quality of life walk.... *tears*

Keeping on our bucket list - live every day as your last...
Late last night - scary late - I drove him to Tanner. I just walked him thru the wooded entrance. and a few steps down the hill.  He had to stop. You could see in his eyes he wanted to go further, to run.  However his body stopped him.  To see that want in his eye and then to see his once able, highly athletic body unable to take a few more steps - *CRUSHED my heart*

Recent notes on the last few days

• He is having a harder and harder time getting into E and using steps at back door.  he fell a few times now.
• His tail still wags when I sing him his song.
• He refused Peanut Butter
• There is about 3 hour sleep increments at night.  He has to urinate about 3 times a night.  I'd wake up 10 times for him.
• He still sits up on his rides
• He will follow me eventually
• I am worried about Zoe.  She is losing her the dog she shadows.  She also lost Sneek.  maybe I really don't need to worry about the Sneek loss.  But the Jake.. Her and I will work thru it together.  
• I follow him around from room to room at night.
• Emily is moving out and taking Sneek with her.  I'll miss them both. However, I believe it is for the highest and best good for all involved.  Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake.
• I can leave the door to my office open and he just stays under my desk.
• I lost an amazing video of him and Zoe at the canyon last year.  I am hoping to recover.
• My nightmares continue. Most are about Jake, death, friendships, people going away.  It is fitting for what is going on in my life today....

Day 47 - Sunday April 20th Easter

Below are the Easter goodies Peter Rabbit brought for the crew.  

  Jake enjoyed his

Church, hike with Maddie and then brunch with a friend and her family.  Afterwards, I felt the need to go back to the mountains.  This time with Jake and Zoe.  I wanted Jake to be in the mountains a few more times.  His journey is coming to a close (reality).  So, up we went.  I was surprised at his alertness and energy.  We got out and visited a campsite.  Someone even drank from the strean and plopped himself down.  

 We walked around a bit and sat.  There were many families celebrating the holiday with a cook out.  So, Jake and Zoe's nose were on high alert...

 My boy was happy. Zoe and I were happy to see him happy.  If that was his last day on earth, it would be fine with me.  It was the perfect day for both of us.

I am trying to live each day as if it is Jake's last.  It is hard to do during the work week.  However, I try to at least take a drive with him or snuggle, even if he does growl.