Saturday, March 29, 2014

Day 25 March 29

Saturday Day 25

We returned to the Vet to recheck PCV.  It is back up to 33%.  Our vet said we are on a roller-coaster.  He said it isn't normal.  This was our second rebound. I was so happy almost in tears!!!  I feel like it is his great physical shape and his raw diet that has contributed to his body fighting overtime.

We visited a holistic vet at 1230.  A lot of info and a lot of suggestions.  Most are very pricey and Jake would be in and out of the vet.  I don't want that for him.  She will check on some Chinese herbs.  I really don't know and I am very conflicted.

Day 24

Day 24 March 28t

I am writing this at  1:01 am on the 29th.

Jake was still off today.  I took him in to read PCV.  It is 28.  That is a HUGE drop.  Scares the hell out of me.  His gums are pink, and he is breathing fine.

As a side issue, he also has a really bad infection in his "unit".  He is on some new meds and I need to flush it daily *rme*

I am seeing two different vets in the same office.  I wish I could just narrow to one.  I wish the two would chat and say hey... I seem to have some high expectations...

After the news from the vet, we went to the Sandy DP and the adjacent gully.  The labs grew up there, we spent an enormous amount of time at the park and in the gully. Heck, Zoe tore her CCL down there too!

I walked him down there slowly. I situated a blank for us on the path. AHHHHH sun shine and and overwhelming smell.  Green grass for a certain dog to chew on too!

Yes, i do like to take Jake and Mom selfies...

Thank you great DOG for another day. May we have another please? 

He doesn't want to be in the room tonight.  I forced him in here after letting him stay out.  I need him close.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Day 23

Day 23 March 27

woooohoooo day off!

I have a few days off.  I am starting to think it was a good idea.

Jake is off.  WAY off.  He is so docile and staying separated from his pack. He rarely makes eye contact with me.  I wonder if the commotion of being home all day is upsetting him.  He is eating ok.

Night isn't much better,  He moves from room to room at night.  He was very restless.  I too was restless, following him from room to room..

Hoping it is just an off day and that tomorrow is better,

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Day 20 and Day 21 and day 22

March 24 and March 25 and March 26
He is feeling GOOD!

He is eating well.  He is sleeping with the mom lady.

I brought his BFF with him today to hang out in the car at work.  We went to a local park at lunch.

They are such peas in the pod
Jake basically comes everywhere with me.  There are some exceptions to the rule :-)  I can't bring him along when I walk Zoe or Maddie.  I couldn't bare to leave him alone in the car as I walked one of the others.  I try not to leave him for more than an hour.  Ok - I won't leave him more than an hour.   I wouldn't have it any other way, I don't want regrets.

Day 22 I got a wild hair and decided i need to be proactive in Jake's care. I believe he should be on some type of supplement, I need ot do something for him instead of sitting idle, just waiting. he deserves me to take action... Guess it is my powerlessness - the unmanageablity. I should have some power in this. I should manage this in some way.. I just have this overwhelming feeling like I am not doing something to help him. I feel like I am idle. I should be actively be trying to help him fight this. To elongate his life. I know it will take him out. But shouldn't I be trying to fight it?
Should I maybe go for a second opinion?  
Just having a moment where I feel like I am not doing enough to help him...Like I have given up. I don't think it is fair to him that I am not fighting for him - via supplements, doctors, chemo surgery. So many stories I have read - people are going the distance to fight it. I am not. I am beginning to feel I am being unfair to Jake that I am not going to any lengths for him.
I made some calls to our local holsitic vet.  She is booked as is the other doctor in the office.
I made some more calls.... I made some more calls....

Finally decided to message our previous nutritionist and behaviorist.

Then I called another local vet and got an appointment for Saturday,  A consult is really inexpensive.  We shall see what she says.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

BIG DAY - Day 19 March 23rd

Jake turns 11!

I had little faith..  However it arrived.  And byt the grace of God, he is still here.

A dear friend had a little BBQ and invited Jake over.  *SPOILED*  He got a bully stick to chew on, a double cheeseburger and,,,,

Perfect cake for my ball crazy windbag.

He shared it with a very special friend.

How blessed are we to have such special friends... 

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Day 17 18

March 21 and 22nd

All seem swell in Jake;s world

Day 18, the 22nd we spent some time at Liberty Park. I like to take him to our local parks. It seems to make him happy to people watch and bask in the sun.

I like the photos where the sun's rays encompass Jake's head *love*  I like to think it is the great Dogs love.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Day 16

Day 16 March 20th
Morning - Awoke to diarrhea in front room this morning.  Not to sure who....  So, on poo alert - LOL  I just took a deep breath, put my slippers on, and cleaned it up.

I have been focusing on how blessed I am and what a gift from God that Jake's body reabsorbing tumor was a positive thing. A miracle.   I think in the big time picture it is.  However, in the back of my mind, I always said "well, his body is reabsorbing the cancer into his system  Maybe in places it wasn't before."  I did some more reading today on Jake's illness. I was trying to find info on expected life expectancy for dogs with Hemangiosarcoma.  I found this link.

As I read I ran across this which confirmed the small voice in the back of my head.
Episodes of weakness and collapse can last for minutes to hours with recovery from the episode being a common feature. Most likely the weakness, white/pale mucous membranes, and collapse are due to rupture of the tumor and blood loss, whereas the recovery is likely due to a combination of the blood loss stopping and lost blood being reasorbed back into the circulation. However, an additional problem associated with this blood loss is the dissemination (spread) of cancer cells into areas that contact the lost blood (inside the abdomen or chest, or via the bloodstream). This propensity to spread is what makes treatment of this cancer so particularly difficult. 

Still, I don't think it matters. The cancer  would end up in those areas sooner or later anyway.   I would want it the way it happened again.  This extra time is the way it is suppose to be.

It doesn't matter. It is God's plan.  Jake is in God's hand.  Once again, every extra moment is a gift!

Mini mental break down at night......

Day 15

Day 15 Wednesday March 19

Another work day filled with Jake :-)  His appetite still really good.  Sleeping a lot.
The gals at Dog's Meow suggested I research Essiac.  I did.  It sounds promising, however this line scares me, " do not use...If you dog has tumors that are encroaching on a major blood supply or an area of an organ that expansion of the tumor could have dire consequences"  I also read it is really only for use in early stages. I also found an article about a mushroom   Coriolus versicolor     I did some reading and really thought about the mushroom route.  IDK... Time is ticking Annie.

Maddie  - well allergy season has started. I need to figure out how the hell to get her the shot she needs.  She was lick lick lick all night. *slams head on desk*

Zoe seems to be feeling well.  I am sure the medication are helping.

I did leave Jake home for over an hour last night.  Once again, things I have asked to be completed on Sunday, promised to be done on Monday and then on Tuesday, weren't done in the house. Before I EXPLODED I paused.   I took my rear to a meeting of compassionate women who have lived a long life. I was able to calm down.  I was able to not take the issue personal.  I was able to breath again.  I went home and asked for what I needed (to rolling eyes of course).  Then ate a cup full of ice cream....

****Awoke right before midnight to Jake panting and rapid breathing.  I got up and went to his bed. I began to stroke his fur and speak calmly to him.  It eventually subsided***

AND - *awoke to diarrhea in the front room *

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Day 13 and day 14

Day 13 and Day 14 -   March 17th and March 18

Day 13th - March 17 Another day in paradise with Jake.  So grateful he is a well behaved boy and he can hang with me during the day.

Day 14 - March 18 Another day! PCV at 44% :-)
 We actually stopped at our local store for treats.  They stressed keeping him on straight meat - no carbs at all.   I shared Jake's entire story.  The women, who are very knowledgeable, were flabbergasted that Jake survived.

It is interesting.  The more I read about his condition, and  the more I share the story with others,  the more I am told that it is a miracle that Jake survived the rupture of the tumor. One friend says it is the "power of prayer".  Everyday, I do believe that more and more. Many friends, especially via FB, were praying for Jake that day.   The ladies at the store said he must be very healthy.  I believe that too.  As I continued to roll around the event and the fact he survived, I was overwhelmed with the warmth that it was the Grace of God that has given Jake and I this extra time.  Grace, to me, is an undeserved favor. I don't deserve the extra time any more than any one else does . The gift was given to us.  I am not sure why we were given this.  I will not waste it.  I cherish every moment with my puppy.  E V E R Y*M O M E N T

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Day 12

Day 12 March 16

Well, MY plans went out the window today.

Zoe injured herself in the back yard.  She came in shaking.  So, I went ahead and took her to the vet.  At this point, I need peace of mind no matter the price.  the vet examined her and did xrays. The final diagnosis, is she just overextended herself.  The xray showed how severe her arthritis is in her knees.  There is some in her hip.   He did compliment me on how great of shape she is in.  He said that is so important with a dog with her history.  So, we started her on medication for pain and inflammation.  He suggested a down week for Zoe.

So, after we came home I felt the need to get back to my plan for the day.  I do this for my dogs AND for me.  I need to physically get this stress out of my body.   I grabbed Maddie and took her on a hour hike.  I fought to relax with her on this hike.  I accepted the fact she was going to stop and smell. I allowed it.  Why fight it as she is going to do it and she needs to do it. Hurrying thru a hike isn't relaxing.  You aren't going to win against nature Ann.  So, I stayed in the moment and let Maddie be in charge (to a point). :-)

After I dropped her off, I grabbed Jake.  I wanted to get him up to the mountains.  And I too wanted to go up with him.  I wanted to have him in the snow and pine again.  We drove up to the end of the canyon road. We got out and took a short walk.  He smiled and pulled me the whole time :-).  I kept it short and left.  I turned around and we went back up.  Out of the E we went.  We just sat on a bench.   I used my senses and immersed myself in the moment.  The smell of the pine, the sound of the moving stream, the sight of the towering trees filled with snow and the softness on Jake's coat.  I watched Jake use his nose to take in the smell.  We said a few prayers and I sat in meditation for a few moments. Nature keeps me right sized, keeps me humble.  It reminds me there is a God who is all loving and in charge.  

Our afternoon is a moment I will treasure.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Day 11

Day 11 March 15
Exercised Zoe and Maddie this morning.  They are both acting like they are on a sugar high.

 I zoom thru their walk.  I didn't enjoy it at all.  Maddie just wanted to sniff and sit in the sun.  I kept hurrying her.  I even yelled at her a few times; more than a few. She cries and cries to be a part of.    Even at home, she wiggles her way in to my space begging for attention. I push her away. She comes back for more. I don't mean to, but Jake has never wanted her in his space. The last thing I want is for him to be uncomfortable.    I whispered to Maddie that I am  sorry.  I told her what is going on.  I am sure she doesn't get it, but it makes me feel better.   I told Zoe too today.  She has only known 8 months of her 10 years without Jake. Their bond was instant. From the moment they met they were two peas in a pod.  There was never ever a growl between them. I worry about her.  He is her constant.

I drop Zoe off and get Jake.  He is so excited.  Everyone has gone out that morning, except him.  We just run errands.  We stop at a park after getting his cheeseburger.  He trots a bit in the field.  He then stops and starts to pant.

Home for dinner.  I took a shower after a long day.  I came out to find this.  She is taking care of her Bubba.  Zoe never is far away from him.  She even sleeps in my room now.  She barks to be with him.  They almost make a heart..

I needed to support a friend tonight.  So, i went out for a few hours. He tags along.  He sleeps in the E.  I came out and he was extra tired.

He scared me tonight.  He was laying in the hallway. I called him and he didn't respond.  I quickly got down on the floor and touched him.  He didn't awake.  I put my hands under his jaw and got close enough and he awoke.  He wouldn't get up.  So, I got a cookie.  Out of the hall he came. *whew*  However, the whole situation hit home again, just a little deeper.  

I sat on his bed with him tonight. I always tell him what I need to say to him prior before bed. I added in that tomorrow we would go to the Mountains so he could smell them again.  We'd go to the p-a-r-k.  I told him I wouldn't leave his side tomorrow.  I won't.  I want to sit at the park and read a book with him.  

I watch him as he sleeps. H dreams a lot , at least I think he is dreaming,  Some people call it chasing bunnies.   I'd like to thin he is dreaming of flyball, or the zoomies he and Zoe get on the trails, running in the  fresh snow,  swimming or just playing catch with me.

I thank God for another day.  I ask Him, if it be His will, we have another.

'Night 'night Bubba XX00

Friday, March 14, 2014

Day 10

Day 10 March 14

Just another day at work...

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Day 9

Day 9  March 13

"Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet." 
― Colette

Jake sharing PB with me.

He looks so sad and sick here......

I watch him sleep. He chases rabbits or maybe he is playing flyball

He sleeps most of the day...  I know he needs his strength.. Love my puppy

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Day 8

Day 8 March 12

He looks a little bloated this morning.  I can't seem to decide if something is really wrong or I am being paranoid.  I don't trust myself.  I am sick to my stomach. I am praying for a change in perception.His appetite was good.  He did follow me around a bit this morning.  Most of the time he went into the front room.  He did snuggle with Zoe on their kitchen bed for a bit

He sat in his normal position for car rides.   Now he is sleeping in my office.  I have to remember good and bad days.  I have to remember he is going to end up having more bad days than good.  If one burst, he can survive. He survived the last rupture.  Prayers said and paws crossed.

Read a quote a few moments ago How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ― A.A. MilneWinnie-the-Pooh  Very fitting I think...  Get into the blessings Annie.

***The rest of the day was up and down.  I am beginning to believe that is how this is going to be.  I need to remember his disease is flowing thru his blood. It is rapidly spreading.   I did some more research on line.  I felt blessed after reading all the other stories, as an abundance were of dogs that did not survive a rupture!  Thank you Great DOG that Jakers survived last week...

On the way home, we stopped at a friends. I let Jakers out at a neighborhood park to do his business.

We drove around last night after dinner. Jake, Zoe and I traveled to our old neighborhood in Draper. I let the dogs out in the park we would visit almost day.  They were awaiting me to whip out the Frisbee.  Sorry black dogs.  Jake trotted a bit to the middle of the park.  I let him stand there for a bit and then called him back to the E.

Bed time.  This is Jake's bed.  However, Zoe hijacked it last night.  She left Jake a "square" 

I awoke with him sleeping with me in his normal way.  I hit snooze three times.